Hide and Seek

My grandmother told me that I have the gift.

It skips a generation, you know. 

Women are more likely to have it.

She told me when she was a child she saw the ghost of her grandmother standing in the mirror behind her.

When you died, I stood in front of the wardrobe where we used to play,

Hide and seek.

Seeking you out in the mirror, hoping you would reveal youself to me.

The tension cut the room with the knife, almost as if you were holding your breath in the shadows, hidden away.

I feel things too, you know. 

See shadowed men in hallways slip by, people standing over me in bed. I hear sighing and whispers in the night time.

But I am still waiting for you to show me a sign.

Just let me see you one last time.

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Bad Habits

I smoked my first cigarette at thirteen,

I imagine my lungs are black with tar.

 

But by far, the most destructive thing I did,

Was to fall in love with you.

That was wildfire, burning everything I came into contact with,

Turning me into a pile of smouldering ash.

Flames that licked me up and down,

Infesting my thoughts like a million fire ants,

Suddenly, everything was you.


I am better now than I was before, I smoke less than I did,

Now, love is no longer fire to me.

It is water.

It is floating on my back riding a calm ocean wave, hearing the tide lap gently against the shore.

I’m unsure whether I crave the intensity that you brought,

When I’d leave you, shaking and anxious for more.

I love the calmness I have now,

But thereĀ is no escaping,

I have always had a taste for

Destruction.

And you were always a bad habit,

I could not shake.